Young families know the joys and pressures of raising a family. The schedule demands, financial demands, not to mention the emotional and physical and marital stresses. It’s a huge leap in life to go from caring for yourself to caring for children. Moms tend to lead this ship that sails through parenthood, but what about Dad?
Fathers aren’t competition to Mothers. They’re partners, co-captains, trusted allies. Parenting is a journey without a road map, and having a good travel buddy, is an added bonus. So this Father’s Day, what does Mom need to know on a day that’s celebrating the Dads? Here’s some insights on what he may what to see, hear, and feel that day…
1. He Wants to Feel Like Top Priority, Again
Before kids came along, it was just you and him. He got used to being cared for, doted over, cooked for, presents bought, dates out, sweet phone calls and texts. He was your focus. Then kids came, and so did kid-centered priorities. Kids need the most attention, and well, they get it.
Dads aren’t just another kid. As much as moms joke about this, they’re not. Their roles may be very different than those of a mother, but they still want to feel like top priority. So forget just giving the sleeve of golf balls, and go for something that doesn’t cost a thing: your attention. Ask him what he wants that day, or surprise him, but just let him know that despite circumstances (ahem, kids) he’s still number one in your eyes.
2. Let Him Off the Hook
Depending on the family dynamic, chances are, Dads are used to having to do a lot on weekends. That long list that’s making you anxious to cross the next thing off of? Let it go.
However you spend the Sunday holiday that celebrates Fathers everywhere, remember that the garage can always be cleaned out next weekend, and this day…isn’t going to be the day.
3. Don’t Make Him Feel like Less
Society has this tendency to downplay the role of a Father. Moms DO a lot, while Dads are often the supportive backbone, helping on the sidelines, emotionally, physically, to make sure the moms goals are met.
So don’t downplay his role. Instead, praise him for the thankless things he does (like assembling all those toys your child received on their birthday, or cutting the grass so the kids can run about). Let him know that all that assistance, whether it be just playing with the kids while you prepare dinner, or cleaning out the garage to make room for new bikes, his role is pivotal and appreciated.
4. Indulge Him in a Drink
Since having children, chances are Dad has now stopped being able to indulge so much in his favorite alcoholic drinks. Responsibility has taken over, and those evening cocktails are no longer a part of his daily regime.
Treat him. Indulge him in something that reminds him to relax, kick back, have a drink. Mentally he can reflect on a time that he didn’t have to wake up at 6am to tend to someone’s cries, and can just be a man, unwinding with a drink. Even better? Join him.
5. Give Him Time with the Guys
Family responsibility can change a man’s social life dramatically. Just like women often times need other women to feel sane, independant, and to share in life’s ups and downs, men need the same thing.
Don’t get offended that you’re not meeting your man’s social needs, it’s important for him to have a balance of work, home and social life too. Now’s the time for him to go play sports, watch tv, laugh about farts and not stress over that garage that has yet to be cleaned out (he saw the to-do list, he knows his own doom).
6. Get the Kids Involved
Dads aren’t often like Moms who post 100 photo albums of their children on social media in the first week, but that doesn’t mean they don’t treasure those keepsakes and memories with and from the kids.
Ask your kids a series of questions about their dad like “What does Daddy do for work?” or “What does Daddy look like?” and write down their answers, word for word. This is bound to be a hilarious outcome, as well as give him a chance to experience how his kids see him. All kids think their dad is a superhero, so make him feel like one.
7. Laugh It Off
Men tend to hide their stress and worry, and fatherhood is essentially a lot of stress and worry. Can he provide? Is he doing this right? What if his kid hates him? What if work gets hectic? How can he show them he loves them? What if they get hurt?
This is a great time to reflect and laugh off the seriousness of fatherhood, and allow him to enjoy and celebrate all the great things he’s done. Laugh about the time he gagged at his first diaper change, remind him how far he’s come. We often don’t notice progress, without gentle reminders of where we began.
